just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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