True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
