i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
