I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
