Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
