toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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