I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
