Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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