she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
