His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
