weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
