I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
