and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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