i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
