Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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