I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
