You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
