I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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