Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
