If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
