I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
