Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
