Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
