...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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