i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
