Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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