she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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