i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
