so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
