she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
