i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you traded sex for a burrito?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
