Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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