I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
