so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
