Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
