when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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