fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want nice things and good sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
