Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
