At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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