i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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