tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dicks are not precious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
