My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
