he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
