I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
