Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
