this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
