Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
