so that wasnt chicken after all
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
