I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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