I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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