its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
