didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
