She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
