The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
